“It’s 9:00pm. Please stop with the moodiness.” This is part of the inner dialog I have with myself.
Most nights I am giving prompts to others: “10 minutes to teeth brushing,” “I’m running your bath,” “lights out.” It turns out, some prompts could really help me too.
I have a bizarre love-hate thing going on with the bedtime. Come 8:30-9:00, I’m 50/50. I can be peaceful, relaxed, reading bedtimes stories, and close to singing Koom by ya. Or….I can be an agitated tsunami of “I’m not ready for this day to end, there is more to do, are the kids still awake? Let’s vacuum!” The same pile of stuff or carpet stains that I looked at last night and thanked God for my chaos can, on a new night, tempt me to get short tempered, easily frustrated, and questioning why I live as such a wild thing.
I’ve spent a lot of time pondering this. Compounding this reality is that I have a 4 year old that watches my every move and mimics the good, the bad, and the ugly. I also have a patient and loving husband, who, in response to the “tsunami” version of Kate, can very effectively communicate with a simple look that I am really getting on his nerves.
Either amidst both of them, or alone, I should be striving to be like Christ. So what’s up with my night time wonkiness? Surely, there could be physical changes I can make (exercise more, drink more water, clean on a schedule so we don’t have any psychotic vacuuming sessions), but I can also simply make a decision. Jesus, as his call to me, calls me to deny myself. Often I associate this with a need to deny myself of something tangible and material. Tonight I’m committing to keeping my moodiness in check, and deciding to be more peaceful, more prone to reading, and more abundant in my koom by yaa-ing. I’m praying to take up my cross, tack that moodiness on it, and follow.