Sometimes, at 3:00am, I am a freaking rock star of a mother. I meet the needs of our little ones, and figure, “hey, since I am already up, why don’t we roll some laundry, do some meal planning, maybe write a little bit.” But this is not often.
Because then there are other very early morning encounters, where I am more like the snow monster from Frozen (you know, Marshmallow) and I holler ferociously “GO AWAY,” and curl up in the fetal position and pray to be left alone.
And then the mommy guilt. How could I be so perfectly awful? This thought crossed my mind just last night – er this early morning – after my third time being up with a small one. Thankfully, my hubby acted less monster-ly and more rationally. I got some water and figured maybe I should apologize to our 5 year old. I mean it probably isn’t her fault she had a bad dream and wanted comforting…and she didn’t know her little brother had already been in twice in previous hours.
So I resumed my nurturing, cuddling posture and leaned in sweetly and apologized for my unkind words. And she calmly told me “It’s okay, mom, I’m okay now, can you stop talking, I want to sleep.” And there you have it folks. She’s okay now, and could I please stop my words from meandering along, because she needs some sleep. (Truth is, we all really needed some sleep.) She didn’t need a fancy, fluffed up apology or explanation, she literally rested in a simple truth of unconditional love. She takes me in the good, the bad, and the ugly, however I am, in that moment, she loves …like God.
I thought about this as I drifted back to sleep. I thought about doubting that God’s good character can withstand my not so good Mommy moments and then I remember the incredible invite to approach his throne with confidence, just as I am. No need to dress up for this God. No need to put on the frills when seeking Him. He takes my heart right where it is at the moment. I let this truth lull me back to a satisfying sleep.
Father in Heaven,
Thank you for your invitation to approach your throne with confidence – not doubt, or fear, or insecurity, but with a calm assurance that you are willing and eager to listen, just as I am. Sometimes I’m Mary Poppins, sometimes I’m monster-ish, always a tired mom, but you listen. You listen and care, and guide, and direct, and train, and encourage. You don’t ever need a water break or a nap or a time out. You have a heart to continually meet hearts that seek you, and whether that seeking is pretty or not, you love. Thank you for that, Father. Thank you that even when its 3:00am and I want to pray and I don’t know what to say, I can simply think about seeking you. In the 3:00am grogginess of parenting, and anytime, I can confidently approach your throne! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
“I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” Proverbs 8:17