“Mommy, you need to calm down, so you are not on the naughty list.”

A few weeks ago I wrote about drying my eyes after dropping off our Kindergartner in the car rider line at school.

My tears are gone and I’ve kept my big girl pants on, which is fantastic, because it turns out this drop off ritual likely has more to do with my character building than hers.

I am a fan of processes, and if there is a protocol, following it.  I’ve been known to enjoy a margin of quirky flexibility, but when the time is tight, I cling to order.

You know what shows my ugly? When there is an apparent lack of order in the drop off line.

Please, dear fellow drivers, pay attention.  This system require definitive, assertive action.  Yes, be gracious, take turns with the opposing lane.  I can be a team player.  However, I may go nutso on your bumper in about 10 seconds if you are reading your phone, finishing a kids hair, or simply cloud gazing.

Go, people.  Go.  The efficiency of this process takes everyone paying attention….at the same time!

This brings out an educational moment for us all (and we aren’t even in the school building yet!)  This Mommy has had to apologize to her children losing her crap in the drop off line.  Mommy needs patience, compassion, understanding.  Yes. Yes. Yes.

This has been liberating.  I am reminded that I don’t want to perform for my kids.  I don’t want to have good behavior simply because I want them to think I am good.  I want to show good behavior because there is goodness within me, because I am genuinely striving for righteousness.

And this takes prayer and mind change.  I have implemented a new addition to our morning routine.  Our kids think it is fun and cool, and it helps aim my heart towards holiness.  As we begin approaching the school, we start belting out nursery school songs from church.

It’s harder to be a jerk in the drop off line when you hear your 2 year old sweetly proclaim “Jesus loves me, this I know!”

Our 5 year old’s gentle reminder “Be careful little mouth, what you say!….” is spot on when that blue minivan ahead of me just. will.not.go.

Often I complicate Discipleship – particularly as a parent.  I think I am somehow failing because I don’t have that almost creepy calm Momma Duggar voice, and I don’t have family devotionals every night, and I don’t have scriptures posted everywhere.

I over complicate the opportunity to “impress” upon our children that a relationship with God is exactly that – a chance, at every life moment, to enjoy a companionship with One that looks towards me living my best – including in the car rider drop off line.